Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010 - 11:54 pm



23 Jun

 

A friend confided that she just received a sad news from home that her sister was diagnosed with serious tumor that had spread to other area. If her sister agrees to undergo a risky operation, her communication and basic functioning will be affected – so that is why she is opting for chemotherapy. She asked me how I dealt with the loss of my brother and so I shared my experience with her. I told her that I regretted not expressing my love even more, even with a non-Asian way. Traditional Asians are not very expressive with our feelings – even though we do have strong feelings, we do not express them verbally nor expressively. They are implied – and often, taken for granted. I wish I had expressed those love more. Even a banana like me – yellow in appearance with a ‘white’ inside – still finds it hard to be expressive.

I also wrote that time helped a lot in my healing process – the first two years were the hardest as I mourned for my brother. I still do, but it is now a dull ache where before I had to endure sharp pangs of grieve. Of course, the battle is not over – her sister is still around and needs all of the love and support that her family can provide. (So if you read this and you want to join me in praying for my friend and her sister as well as the whole family, please do!).

She also asked me why God allowed this to happen – well, I still don’t know why He decided to take my brother. Rather than believing in life’s serendipity, I choose to believe that there is a God who knows what He’s doing, even when I can’t understand the whole plan at the moment. Even if it is painful, I believe in my God who has a much better plan for all of His children. Steven Curtis Chapman’s song captures my sentiment about this …

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsVYeUTVMQs

 

I Will Trust You

(Steven Curtis Chapman)

I don’t even want to breathe right now
All I want to do is close my eyes
And I don’t want to open them again
Till I’m standing on the other side

I don’t even want to be right now
I don’t want to think another thought
And I don’t want to feel this pain I feel
But right now pain is all I’ve got
It feels like it’s all I’ve got
But I know it’s not
No I know You’re all I’ve got

And I will trust you, I’ll trust you
Trust you God I will
Even when I don’t understand
Even then I will take in
You are my God
And I will trust You

God I’m longing for the day You come
When this cloudy glass I’m looking through
Is shattered in a million pieces
And finally I can just see You
God, You know I believe it’s true
I know I will see you
But until the day I do

I will trust you, trust You
Trust you God I will
Even when I don’t understand
Even then I will take in
You are my God
And I’ll trust You

And with every breath I take
And for every day that breaks
I will trust you, I will trust you

And when nothing is making sense
Even then I will say again
God I trust You, I will trust You
I know Your heart is good
I know Your love is strong
And I know Your plans for me
Are much better than my own
So I will trust You, trust You
I trust You God, I will
Even when I can’t see the end

And I will trust You
I will trust You, I will
Even when I don’t understand
Even then I will say again
I will trust You
I will trust You, I will
I know Your heart is good
Your love is strong
Your plans for me are better than my own
Yeah Your heart is good
Your love is strong
Your plans for me are better than my own
And I trust You
You are my God
And I will trust You

So if you are in a similar situation, have faith in God – whatever the outcome is, He is always in control and even if we don’t understand why, home come, what for, and all of those unanswerable questions, just hold on to the faith. He will get you through the night.


 

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