Climbing up the slide

I’m facing an interesting situation at the moment – one of the Chief General Managers called me this afternoon to tell me that I should have a chat with him before I formally make a decision to leave the company. He mentioned that he had heard good reports about me and that he would be sorry if the company lost me. Of course it was flattering and encouraging at the same time – however, the phone conversation came a wee bit late. Let me elaborate how I’m feeling at the moment …

When I was told, not in so many words by my current manager, that my contribution to the business had not been significant, and that the other company that we are merging with had better analytics team, well, I was made to face the conclusion that I was not really required in the merged company. From then on, I already made some steps away mentally, preparing myself for the next chapter in my life – grieving and girding myself in anticipation for my job search. It is like somebody who is climbing up a giant slide – I’ll call it the Big Emotional Slide – a very daunting, energy-consuming and scary process. I only found out later on that that was not entirely true – many departments still contacted me to ask me for my analysis and reports and that the other company actually did not have a dedicated analytics team. If somebody had stopped me then, and told me, “Hang on a minute, we still need you!”, it would’ve been much easier for me to stop my mental journey to leave the company. However, I have actually reached the peak of the slide and have started to slide down and enjoy the exhilaration of the journey. I have started to count down the time that I will spend at the company and have begun to look forward to the break that I will have in between career moves. When you are already sliding down the Big Emotional Slide, it’s harder to stop and return to the original spot where you climb up the slide in the first place.

So at the moment, I’m feeling pretty much confused again – in a way I am very much looking forward to continuing my career elsewhere and to show my expertise and knowledge more actively in a new company. However, I can’t deny that I’m no longer a carefree 25-year-old guy. I have a mortgage to pay and I have my future to think about as well. Thus I’m trying my hardest to break the descent, no matter how fun it is to slide all the way down, so I can objectively reassess my situation.

I’m meeting the CGM in the first week of June so we can discuss the matter face to face.  I already told him that my plan was to exit the stage on 4 July but I also mentioned that I didn’t intend to close all avenues and doors. I’m still leaving some possibilities for me to stay … so we’ll see, eh?