Sometimes I wonder about myself – why I get so antsy and so eager to explore new territories. Just when I am settled in my new job, enjoying the workload and the challenges that it brings, I feel antsy again. I wish I could travel far away. As Adelaide inches closer towards Autumn and Winter, and as the northern hemisphere greets the first onset of Spring, I reminisce about my past journeys to Europe and I long to be there one more time. I know I can’t afford any major trips in the near future – the last two years have been quite taxing on my financial situation. The numerous trips to Indonesia, the holiday to Europe, the home improvement projects, and financing myself while I had ‘my four months of wilderness’ have left me virtually broke at the moment.
I just wish I could get away from things for a while, not to do major sightseeing, but to be away from everything. When I saw Love Me No More the other day and saw the coastal scenery in Ireland, I could almost smell the salty air, the cold wind and feel the oppressing grey sky. I experienced something similar in Norway and I wish I could be there again. Like an arctic tree planted in the outback, I pine for the north.
I’ve lost some of my joy, I know and I don’t know where it went or how it went … maybe because I immersed into my work head on and invested 150% of my energy and spirit into it that I neglected my spiritual sanity and made myself weary. Maybe because the grief from the previous year has lingered longer. Maybe it’s a combination of everything – I don’t know. I just wish I could get away and centre myself again. Am I having an early midlife crisis? Hahaha.
On a different note, I found a Youtube clip of one of my favourite Thomas Dybdahl‘s songs, called Stay Home. I’ve mentioned about Thomas Dybdahl many times in my blog – the mellow Norwegian singer who I discovered during my first trip ever to Norway in 2002. I love this song for the emotions that are infused in each tone and each word. Thomas perfectly encapsulates the emotions of a man caught in a sad and melancholic mood, and yet sounding very proud and masculine.
The other day, I thought that if a person’s reaches the age of 72, then if we split his lifetime into four seasons, then 0-18 will be Spring, 19-36 will be Summer, 37-54 will be Autumn, and 55 to 72 will be Winter … well, that means that I’m now in the late Summer of my life and will soon enter my Autumn.
I think too much, I know. I’m just so tired.