… but when I became a man, I put away childish things

It’s nearly two o’clock on a Saturday morning and I’m still feeling wide awake – I’ve just had my shower because I like to sleep clean. I thought about going straight to bed after washing my face and brushing my teeth – but the night is balmy and I don’t feel like going to bed feeling icky.

I called Juli, my third sister, earlier after receiving a text from my second sister, Lina during the evening. Lina mentioned that the rest of my siblings would convene tomorrow at her house to discuss what they should do regarding Dad. Dad still hasn’t regained his urinary tract control and he still can’t empty his stomach voluntarily. Dad has to have a catheter attached now and my sister has arranged a nurse to come to empty his stomach on a regular basis. Because of this, his headache has returned, not because of his weakening heart, but because his body just can’t handle the extra toxins in the system. A decision needs to be made whether to send Mum and Dad to Bandung, where they can be close to the rest of the relatives and the rest of my siblings. However, Dad will have to be cared for in a hospital because nobody can monitor his health at home – each of my siblings in Bandung has their own challenges and issues to deal with at the moment. Sending him to hospital may only stress his heart even further, especially if the hospital wants him to have regular haemodialysis. I suggested to Juli that I would prefer to keep Dad in Jakarta at Lina’s house because at least her house is very near to the hospital where he can be cared for in case of emergency. Sending him home to Bandung, may please him for a while, but if the rest of my siblings don’t end up seeing him regularly, he may end up feeling sadder and more depressed. I told Juli that perhaps we could tell the rest of the relatives to come and visit him from time to time in Jakarta to cheer him up because the trip from Bandung to Jakarta is just two hours by car now – much faster than it was before.

I suppose we’re all being dragged to that one point in time in the future where the worst may happen – we have to face the consequence that our parents won’t live forever. We’re all getting older by the millisecond. As I get older, I have to face more serious stuff – about life without my parents, about building my own family, about financing my future family. Different challenges to those that I used to face when I was a yuppie in Jakarta or Singapore. I now have to think whether I can afford having separate wedding ceremonies in Adelaide, Jakarta and Surabaya, and whether I can afford having a faraway honeymoon. I guess I’m just a thinker who tends to think too much, too far ahead. I have learned to let go and let God take control. My future is not mine to worry about.

On a domestic level, I’m saying goodbye to my housemate on Sunday – he’s leaving Adelaide for good (well, for now – we all think), back to Indonesia. His visa runs out this weekend, so he has to leave Australia, his current internship job, and his girlfriend behind. Tomorrow I’m having a barbeque with the friends from church over at my place. I still have to clean up my house – so much mess and things to tidy up and clean. That will keep my Saturday full – with shopping, barbeque preparation and the actual barbeque itself. Sunday will be busy with church and returning home to an empty house again. It will feel rather weird living on my own again … however, another churchmate already contacted me and asked whether he could stay over for the next two months because he wanted to look for a house to buy whilst keeping his rental contract going. He wants another friend to take over his rental contract so he can stay over at my place and look for a house. I told him that even though intrinsically I preferred to be on my own, I wouldn’t turn down a friend in need – so I will have a new short-term housemate in the near future. 🙂

God has brought me “grown-up issues” to face and to tackle in recent times – my brother’s death, my losing a job last year, and now my father’s worsening illness in the continuing uncertainty of the world’s economy. Life is no longer one fancy party after the other, one overseas trip after the other or a champagne brunch in a hotel after the other.

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”
1 Corinthians 13:11 (NKJV)

Published by fuzz

I've finally relented to the lures of blogging - and for those who care, well, I'm a self-confessed geek who's a wanderer at heart, who thinks and analyses too much, and who's trying hard to hold on to his 7-year old inner persona.

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1 Comment

  1. Hoi…. Just thought of this quote as I read your entry today.

    “The true measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience but in moments of challenge and controversy”
    Dr. Martin Luther King

    Not that you have controversy but in times when life throws a curve ball this helps me keep my head up. It sounds like life is throwing a couple of curve balls at you.


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