You Are Loved

Hanhan,

One day closer to your death anniversary and my heart is growing heavier by the day … I wish I could reach inside my head, take you out from my mind and put you here in front of me, so I can tell you that I do love you. You will probably look at me with a bemused look since our family have never been expressive in showing our feelings. I want to remember you, the things that we used to do. I can only rely on my memories, that will only be dulled down and greyed out with time.

Rest well … we’re doing well here, just missing you a lot. You probably know that Sianne have to sell nasi rames to keep the family going. Are you allowed to feel concerned or heartbroken above? I wish things didn’t happen this way but I have my faith that God’s allowed this to happen to bring goodness. Your family are missing you a lot. I miss you a lot too. We all do.

I keep on remembering you at your little shop – you can probably see from above that  the shop has changed now. Your children are missing you, you know. Kenneth is growing by the day and the last time I saw him around our parents’ Golden Wedding Anniversary, he even mistook me for you at one point. It broke my heart. Then one evening, as I played with your children, Kenneth climbed on my legs and wanted me to play ucang angge with him. Sheren looked at us and suddenly turned really quiet. I knew. I asked her, “Papa used to play this, right?” She nodded, but didn’t say anything.  Her eyes told me everything. In their sweet innoncent little way, they knew that you had gone up, ahead of us.

I know that we would meet again someday. There won’t be any sadness nor tears in Heaven. I remember the line of a song that says, “Would you know my name, if I saw you in Heaven?”. Would you recognise me as your brother on the earth? Would I still be allowed to cry and feel sad and relieved and happy at the same time when we meet again? Sometimes I wish that this were really a prolonged nightmare – that you were still there in Bandung, with your family. I still keep your mobile phone in my mobile phone, Hanhan. I don’t dare to delete it … it’s a piece of you that I carry with me. Silly I know, but I don’t have the heart to delete your number …

I wish something could take the pain away from my heart – did you really know this time last year, five days before you were meant to go, that you were leaving soon? I wish I had given you a call. I wish I had given you a hug. There are still so many I wish, could’ve, and should’ve and I know that they won’t bring you back.

You are well-loved and well-remembered, even after you’re gone.

 

 

You Were Loved

We all want to make a place in this world
We all want our voices to be heard
Everyone wants a chance to be someone
We all have dreams we need to dream
Sweeter than any star you can reach
Is when you reach and find you found someone
You’ll hold this world’s most priceless thing
The greatest gift this life can bring
Is when you look back and know
You were loved

You were loved by someone
Touched by someone
Held by someone
Meant something to someone
Loved somebody
Touched somebody’s heart along the way
You can look back and say
You were loved
Yes you were, now

You can have diamonds in the hands
Have all the riches in the land
But without love you don’t really have a thing
When somebody cares that you’re alive
When somebody trusts you with their life
That’s when you know
That you have all you need
You hold this world’s most priceless gift
The finest treasure that there is
You can look back and know
You were loved

oh You were loved by someone
Touched by someone
Held by someone
Meant something to someone
Loved somebody
Touched somebody’s heart along the way
You can look back and say
Mmm
Yes you were, now

So many roads that you can take
Whatever way you go
Don’t take that road alone
It’s better you should know…

You were loved by someone
Touched by someone
Held by someone
Meant something to someone
Loved somebody
Touched somebody’s heart along the way
You can look back and say

So remember to tell that special one
You are loved … are loved … you are loved


Published by fuzz

I've finally relented to the lures of blogging - and for those who care, well, I'm a self-confessed geek who's a wanderer at heart, who thinks and analyses too much, and who's trying hard to hold on to his 7-year old inner persona.

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