Hit, cleansed, and scrubbed

It’s been a challenging and interesting week this week – I’m mentally rejuvenated and alive, but emotionally weary.

First on a positive note – it’s my first full week at work, because I started on Tuesday last week. I received my first payslip today even though I still haven’t received the amount in my account. Getting a payslip again is a major relief, feeling that at least I have some funds coming into my account again on regular basis. The four months in the wilderness have taught me that my work is just an outlet from God to give me His blessings, so at least I’m not so uptight anymore about work. 🙂 I like what I’m doing; the people who I work with are great; so life’s looking up.

On a more challenging note, I lost a friendship with a dear friend of mine because of some personal reasons. My mistake, mostly. I also learned that I had hurt the feelings of one of my friends at church. I rebuked one of my friends with harsh words and I had hurt his feelings. I’m not afraid anymore to apologise, so when I heard about what I had done, I called him to apologise. I’m not sorry for the content of my rebuke but I am sorry for the way that I said it. I wish I had the wisdom of conveying the message better. When I called his mobile, it was switched off because presumably he had heard that I would call him. We caught up online. He wouldn’t want to settle the issue and still preferred to be left alone for a while because he also had issues with many other people at church, he said. He didn’t like people being judgmental – and I do admit that I can be judgmental at times and I am trying to temper it down and not to cast judgment at others. That’s the reason why I posted Kings of Convenience’s song Misread in my previous posting, because this line rings true in my current circumstance: “The loneliest people were the ones who always spoke the truth.” I don’t claim that I am one of those people – it’s just that when you speak the truth, sometimes it alienates you from the others …

Having my apology dismissed, as well as not having the issue settled, hurt me and sapped my energy. Losing a good friend also bruised me emotionally. It makes me realise again that I shouldn’t neglect my friends and try to see things from their perspectives as well. Having lived on my own for such a long time and being a self-sufficient guy have made me self-focused, or dare I say, selfish?

I’m being shaped again by God in the area of my relationship with others. I need to learn to be a more compassionate man, not to see things in 1:0 and black and white, whilst maintaining my integrity and keeping God’s truth. I need to learn to convey my messages with God’s wisdom.

So there you go — what a week, indeed! Bring on Friday and the weekend, please …


Published by fuzz

I've finally relented to the lures of blogging - and for those who care, well, I'm a self-confessed geek who's a wanderer at heart, who thinks and analyses too much, and who's trying hard to hold on to his 7-year old inner persona.

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