I received an email earlier today, notifying me that my application for the role at the University would not progress any further. Whilst I had obviously prepared for such possibility, it was still very disappointing nevertheless. I had put a lot of hope on this application, that finally my waiting would reach its end. Alas, the job was not meant to be – at the end they decided to give it to an internal candidate from their academic circle. It felt painful, because there were only three candidates in the second interview. So now, I have to return to the drawing board, and find that elusive and perfect position for me.
I was hoping that I would be able to relay a positive news to the folks at church, and now I have to endure further days of sympathetic glances and questions that I’d rather not answer. Sometimes, silence is really the answer if you really want to help somebody who’s in a bit of a dire situation. At the moment, I’d appreciate prayers more than questions that are seemingly filled with genuine concerns. I’ve had enough of the ‘one door closed, a window will open’ sort of quotes, either *grin*. I’m getting tired of hearing banging doors and the window that hasn’t been opened as yet. Haha.
Surprisingly, I have bounced back from the earlier feeling of utter disappointment – no doubt there are people out there saying a prayer or two about my situation. Today I sent another application to a global company that has an office here in Adelaide – apparently they are looking for several Business Improvement Analysts. Apart from that, I’m back to scouring over SEEK and CareerOne and contacting executive search companies again. It certainly is a lesson in humility and patience!
Getting the next career step is more of a mental need for me at the moment, as financially I’m relatively secure until the end of the year, and can certainly stretch it a little bit further as well. It’s also something for my psyche, as I have started to question the things that I can do well, and whether I can claim to have the abilities that are required for several analytical positions.
I have taught myself to always rejoice even when you don’t feel like rejoicing at all. One part of the Bible that is one of my favourites is the final days of Moses. I have relayed this message a couple of times at church – if you don’t know the story, here’s the short version: As you know, Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt into the Promised Land. He practically dedicated a good part of his life to become a leader – something that he did not want to do at the beginning. God shaped him to be a good leader, and then just because of one simple mistake (Numbers 20:1-13), God told Moses that he would never set his foot into the Promised Land. I learn how to deal with disappointments through Moses’ attitude and actions. In Deuteronomy 32-33, Moses chose to bless the people and to bless God. In Deuteronomy 32:3-4 he declared, “For I proclaim the name of the LORD: Ascribe greatness to our God. He is the Rock, His work is perfect; For all His ways are justice, A God of truth and without injustice; Righteous and upright is He.” Through this passage, I learn of Moses’ graciousness and how God has changed his character from a coward with so many excuses to a man of integrity and graciousness. He could’ve been really angry and upset for not being able to go into the Promised Land – just because of one mistake. One mistake! He didn’t dwell on that and moved on – and accept God’s sovereignty and judgment. In his final days, God showed the Promised Land to Moses from afar before he finally passed away (in Deuteronomy 34:1-10). Something that touched me deeply – and a proof that I serve an Almighty God, the God who created heaven and hearth and also a God full of love and compassion, is from this simple sentence in Deuteronomy 34:5-6, “So Moses the servant of the LORD died there in the land of Moab, according to the word of the LORD. And He buried him in a valley in the land of Moab, opposite Beth Peor; but no one knows his grave to this day.” The God who created so many wonderful things in the world, was willing to bury his creation. Moses must have been loved dearly. The only man who was buried by God.
I am heartened by the passage everytime I felt down and disappointed – I am challenged to have the attitude of Moses, of being gracious even in the moment of darkness and still honouring God’s sovereignty over matters. If He has raised me from a wee baby to a thirty-six years old man through various obstacles and dangers that could have been, He is also in charge of my future, whatever it may be. It’s also the same with you – if you are reading this and are facing a great disappointment at the moment … He is in control, and that is also what I’m telling my soul at the moment.