There’s a Universe in my head


I was on my way to the city this morning, and as I looked up through the window in my bus towards the blue Spring sky, a haunting tune by Bukkene Bruse was playing on my iPhone. The song transported me back to the grand beauty of Norway – and as I closed my eyes, I was back in the Land of the Fjords, in the crisp mountain air in Hardangervidda. I could almost smell the wood inside the old Norwegian houses and hear the melodic language of the people again.

As I walk through life, I collect bits and pieces of moments and store them in my mind. Some may be hidden underneath recent occurences and can be resurfaced in a flick of a millisecond. There’s a song by Coldplay in their new album Viva La Vida, called ‘42‘ – the first part goes like this:

Those who are dead are not dead
They’re just living in my head
And since I fell for that spell
I am living there as well

In my memory, my brother has not passed away – he exists there through memory snapshots that I have accumulated along the years. I remember when he was young when we used to play or quarrel together, I remember his wedding day as I pushed my Dad’s wheelchair behind him. He’s not dead – he lives in my head.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t remember unpleasant or embarassing moments in my life, but they are all part of me. Each moment helps to build my character – it makes me who I am. I can remember all the happy things in my past, and smile. I can also have a sigh of gratitude and relief, or a chuckle or two when I remember past incidents that seemed so painful when they happened, but are not so bad after all. There are moments that I wish I could remember – every single detail – but I realise that as I get older there are things that have slipped away from my head, that will only resurface when I least expect it. It’s all part of life, I suppose.

I am thankful of the memories – in that mere second when the incident is brought back from its dusty storage in my head, I can be transported back into that particular moment – just because a smell, a sound or an action reminds me. I purchased a bottle of Hugo Boss Number One some weeks ago just because it was on clearance sale at a local chemist – I remember that my dormmate Steven Ameye used to wear it when I was still a uni student. When I wear the cologne, I was back in 1994 – back in my dorm days in Hampstead Centre – and back to the days of my friendship.

I wish I could turn back the clock, but I know that it would be too much to handle, since I already knew what would happen next. I can’t live in the past as I have to move on and experience more of my life. All I can do now, is to close my eyes when God brings back a moment from the storage  into my head, and be thankful that I can remember and be transported back to that place in time in the Universe in my head.

Published by fuzz

I've finally relented to the lures of blogging - and for those who care, well, I'm a self-confessed geek who's a wanderer at heart, who thinks and analyses too much, and who's trying hard to hold on to his 7-year old inner persona.

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1 Comment

  1. Arry, it sure is a gift from God to have such a good memory or maybe a brain needs to be trained to do so. Some of us struggle to remember when we did, said or wrote down something in the last year let alone in the last month! At 55 I wish I could remember my first 20-30 years, may be because the times were tough and not too much happiness that the brain can also be clever enough to block out bad experiences. These days there are so many tools like books, photos, videos and the net to help. If only I could remember so clearly my younger years! Sigh!

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