“I’m spewin’!” is just an alternative in the local Aussie lingo to “I’m angry.” I’m still angry over what happened at the office at the end of the day. I was quite disappointed that one of my staff didn’t manage the project that I gave him well. In hindsight, I should have given more directive information, but he has worked with me for the last three years, and he did a similar project last year so I thought he was good to be left ‘alone’ with minor supervision. At the end, he still needed to be directed on what to do – to the n-th degree. I sense that he is quite amused at the unstructured and confusing instructions that I am capable to give. However, rather than asking more questions, he gives an appearance of somebody who understands everything and does not ask further questions, unless prodded.
Working in a different culture is really taking its toll lately – my mental state hasn’t reached 100% since the passing away of my brother. Unfortunately I have to also deal with the slow mental death that I’m experiencing at the office due to the merger and my impending exit in July. Whereas in Indonesia and Singapore, managers are respected and looked up to, in Australia, it’s a totally different ball-game. Whilst managers are still generally respected, to gain a full respect, you have to be considered ‘one of the guys’. You have to hang around with the staff more. You have to be thick-skinned enough to be made fun of and to be teased for your quirkiness. I know that these are not done in malice – but having been brought up in eastern culture and a different style of management, I have to supress my anger and my dislike when I am the subject of such actions and try to brush everything off. It’s certainly an acquired skill for me, and I’m sure I will get better as I get older and as I work in Australia longer.
At the moment, I’m still seething because of my staff – he didn’t seem to take things seriously. He’s very Aussie and very laid-back and it’s so hard to shake him because I don’t want to be a patronising prat. Whilst there’s nothing wrong in being laid-back, to me he’s bordering to being lazy. He certainly doesn’t have the drive that I had when I was his age, when I worked my butt off in Citibank. Pulling him aside to give him a pep-talk seems so pointless since he’s leaving the Bank anyway next month. He knows that and I know that, too.
So at the moment, I just need to manage my disappointment and anger – play on a soothing music or something and maybe watch a DVD. I’m glad that at least I can pour my emotions here in my Blog! Phew!