For the past two days, I’ve been working from home and taking care of my thesis data and chapters. I find myself being more productive working from home although arguably I have a lot more distractions here. Indy seems to like the fact that I am around as well – from time to time, he would check me out whether I am still in my study and then he would continue to doze off and take advantage of the warm sun.
Although we are slowly inching our way towards Christmas and the end of the year, strangely I don’t feel very festive at all this year. My thesis, data, and a myriad of things continue to occupy my mind. Where in the past years, by now I would be doing my personal greeting card, I haven’t started anything this year. I may create something personal to share with my friends but it won’t be as elaborate as the previous years. Besides, my animation techniques with Adobe Flash are quite archaic compared to what other professionals are doing.
It’s funny heading over to Christmas with virtually having nothing – a couple of weeks ago I shared a Facebook status that I was penniless, frantic and busy with my thesis around Christmas. Not the best way to enjoy a festive season, indeed! This situation is still continuing unfortunately. Due to some administrative matters, I haven’t received the full extent of the stipend and the top-up that I’m supposed to receive. So for the last two months, I’ve been stressing over bills that I need to pay, while scooping more and more into my fast diminishing savings. The issue is reportedly corrected now but I still have to survive the next fortnight somehow. I am quietly worrying about my financial situations with mortgage repayments to take care of, on top of the bills and credit card balance that I need to pay. Yani and I are also quietly worrying about the visa application fee that we will have to pay so she can finally apply for a Permanent Residence here in Australia. These things certainly don’t help me focus on my thesis and my study. A lot to think about and stress about. It’s such a change from my period in Jakarta or in Singapore when I was still a cash-rich yuppie! 🙂
When I posted that status about being broke, a couple of friends gave their encouragement that I should be thankful of the blessings that I have richly received in other areas – and for having a loving wife and dog *grin*. Of course, I know that. 🙂 It’s amazing that worry can come and rob your peace of mind in an instant like a flash-flood.
I am blessed, I know that.
Having cut down my café visits and lunching-out means that I have probably lost a couple of kilos – which is good for my health. 🙂 Working from home also has its advantage of not having to pay car parking or transport, whilst at the same time enables me to enjoy Indy’s wet nose and his often-sad-often-content eyes.
So, I’m consciously controlling my thoughts, not to spiral down towards worrying more – or even stress. When I start thinking about the new year and what challenges it will bring and whether I can continue my mortgage and everything else, I start to look back and see how I have been always blessed and abundantly provisioned. I have never ever been starving with absolutely nothing to eat and that there is always hope when everything goes wrong.
When we are worried, we sometimes see the magnified shadow of a small pebble. I know I shouldn’t worry and through His mighty hands, he will continue to provide me with what I need. It’s also a good reminder for me to just celebrate Christmas for what it really stands for – not for the gifts that I can buy or for new decorations that I can get, but just to be thankful to God for everything – including the rewarding and challenging twelve months.