There must be a reason why we are created with five fingers on each hand, rather than flipper-like appendages on our hands. Debates on functionalities aside, I am philosophical that one of the reasons why we have fingers is to remind us that when things slip away from our grasp, we have to let them go. When we close our fingers and form a tight grip, we are left with very little space within our grasp, compared to the space that we form when we cup our palm – with the risk that things will end up slipping away from our fingers or through the hook between our index finger and our thumb.
I am reminded about not being too attached to things or even people when I accidentally bumped my car over the weekend. On Saturday, after we went café-hopping with some friends, a group of us went to our home because some of our friends wanted to see Indy. Indy was very excited to be surrounded by more people – the charming boy that he is. 🙂 While Yani and the group settled in the living room watching Burlesque, I sat in my study and worked on my thesis data.
After the movie finished, we were wondering where we could go for dinner – I didn’t really want to go out as working with the spreadsheets had sapped my energy but I didn’t want to sound like an old man either so I complied. I carefully checked the rearview mirrors when I drove out, but I failed to see the trailer parked across the road. With Pierre Bachelet playing in the car, I heard a bang. I felt numb. The bump was hard enough to create a tear in the backpanel of the car. Bruno, my neighbour from across the road, came out upon hearing the bang – along with his guest. It was really my fault for not noticing the trailer and the trailer was alright so they could only express their sorry – and that was it. My friends witnessed the whole thing of course – which added to the drama.
The accident made me numb, angry, and regretful – there were so many “I wish” running through my head: I wish Yani had helped me see what was behind the car; I wish my friend had honked his car horn when he noticed that I was driving right onto the trailer, … I wish I had insisted that we stayed home. Of course, regrets always come later and there was nobody else to blame but myself. Indy left me alone as he sensed that I was quite upset. Throughout the night, I had a restless sleep. I was going to bake a cake for church potluck but cancelled it as I didn’t feel like it. On top of it, I was also scheduled to lead worship.
By the time I went to church, I felt a lot better and I could laugh about it – I knew that I shouldn’t hold on to my possessions too tightly – even my beloved Burton. It was just the previous day that I told Yani how good the car looked after it was washed and polished *grin*. God gives, He also reminds me that He could also easily take it away … It’s just a ding – nothing too dramatic but it will cost money as well, just when I am starting to worry (again) about paying bills, this and that …
So today, I went to two crash repairers – and both declined to give me a quote when I told them that I would pay it out of my own pocket. I do have a car insurance but I only take the cover against third-party damage. 🙁 When you are on a limited budget, you pay what you can afford! They mentioned that they would have to take out the whole panel and that the whole process could cost as high as $3,000 – $4,000. Admittedly, I go to crash repairers who usually handle Chryslers and other fancy cars. They referred me to a couple of crash repairers who may be able to affordably fix it – Burton’s not a show-car anyway so I suppose the fix doesn’t need to be top-notch … I will visit a couple tomorrow just to see whether they can help. If I can still notice the scar after it is fixed, it will serve as my reminder, my war casualties. I shouldn’t hold on to anything too tightly – it’s just a temporary life we have down here on earth. We’re not going to take anything nor anybody when we depart.
A bit morose, but that’s what you will get for writing a blog entry at 1.00am while waiting for my spot reports to finish. 🙂
Hold everything in your hands loosely, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open. – Corrie Ten Boom